In writing this, I understand that humans aren’t perfect. We are creatures of emotion, not logic. We say things that don’t always portray our emotions correctly. With that being said, these are probably singlehandedly the scariest words to hear when speaking to someone you love. For those of us who claim to be in love, it usually evokes immediate palm sweating, tears, heart palpitations, and panic. Here are 5 things I’ve learned to keep in mind if this situation is ever to happen to you, (and I really hope it doesn’t.)
- DO NOT BEG.
You should never have to beg someone to be with you. Ever. Regardless of the situation or reason, your significant other truly feels that not being with you is the right decision. Ending a relationship is not a joke, it’s not a game. It’s not something you can go back on immediately after it happens, it’s very serious. This can be different for different types of relationships, of course. However, if you are in a serious relationship you should treat it very seriously. That being said, when a serious conversation takes place where one person openly says that they want to end the relationship, this is something you can’t change. You must accept it, try to understand, and remember that begging will not help the situation. Let it go. This is happening for the best. Do not fight what will inevitably happen, because if your significant other genuinely feels this way, they aren’t going to stop feeling this way no matter how many times you say please.
2. YOU ARE WORTH IT.
A lot of times in relationships, especially when they aren’t going well, it’s easy to go on a crazy self-hating spiral. You feel as though you aren’t worth the effort to be understood, fought for, loved, etc. But, you are. You are so worth it. You’re worth being healed for your wounds, accepted for your mistakes, loved for your fears, and consoled during your times of hardship. Every single human being is worth this and if someone else finds it too difficult to do these things for you, then they just aren’t meant to be with you. Eventually someone will come along and reassure you of all of these things as many times as you need them to. Until then, find it within yourself that you are worth it. All of it.
3. DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHO YOU ARE.
Of course we all have faults and things that make us human beings. Some of these things are unbeautiful, unkind, inpatient, and that’s okay. We are bound to make mistakes and when our mistakes hurt someone else, it can make them harder to deal with. It’s good to apologize when we hurt others, but it is not okay to apologize for who you are. Your faults reflect where you have come from and the experiences you’ve been through. Love is about loving both the good and the bad. You shouldn’t apologize for either.
4. DO NOT GO INTO THE TYPICAL, “SO EVERYTHING WAS A LIE?” FEST.
Just because at one time under different circumstances everything was working out a lot easier, doesn’t mean it’s going to be working out at this place in time. People, circumstances, and feelings change. It’s something really, really hard to get through, don’t get me wrong; but it is okay. It doesn’t mean that a month ago everything wasn’t as great as you thought it was. If you have been in a very open and honest relationship then you probably know exactly how things were. Unfortunately life is always changing, and negatively reflecting on times in the past when they were undoubtably good will probably not help the current-shitty present circumstance. In most cases, it wasn’t a lie. Things are just different now. Accept the hurt and try to understand. If you can’t understand, move on.
5. YOU ARE LOVED, AND YOU DESERVE IT.
Even if your current relationship isn’t working out the way you want it to, remember that you are loved. You have all the perfect imperfect qualities worthy of love. Right now, the person your with might not be able to love you the way you need to be loved, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of the right person loving you for who you are. Self love is the most important of any kind of love. Love yourself, forgive yourself, and know that one day someone special will come along and do the same. You deserve the world and you will get it.